Howling at the Stars
by RenjiLuvah
Summary: [RenjixRukia] OneShot. Rukia finds Renji staring up into the moonlight after the events in Soul Society. Drowning in his thoughts, he expresses to her his regrets. SPOILERS SS arc.


**This is my second RenjixRukia fic (based on the anime). It'll probably end up short like my first one even though I'd really like to write a long in depth story. However I like to keep everyone in character and have my stories make sense with the series or whatever I'm writing on. So if you have any suggestions feel free to let me know. This fic was inspired by this really great AMV I saw of RenjixRukia and I was so moved by it. Feel free to ask for the link to it if you like. Hope you enjoy my story. This is another story that takes place after the events in Soul Society and before (WARNING SPOILERS) Renji and Rukia go down to the living world. Enjoy!**

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Rukia slid open the Shoji screen to Renji's room only to realize that it was empty. She poked her head through the darkness of the vacant room, searching as if she expected he'd be hidden somewhere. The white sheets on his futon were messy and his room showed no sign of him being in there recently. She had already checked with Ni-sama and he wasn't there either. She slid the screen closed in disappointment. She put her small hand to her chin, pondering his possible whereabouts. She nodded to herself as she decided to head outside and walk around.

Everyone was asleep in Soul Society besides the Shinigamis taking the night shift to stand guard in case anything should happen. She stared up into the velvet sky at the sparkling platinum bulbs that speckled across it. It was a beautiful clear night. She walked towards the outskirts of Soul Society and she soon felt the damp, cool grass tickling her bare feet. She closed her eyes as she felt the cool breeze send a chill upon her pale cheeks. She brushed a strand of her ebony hair away from her eyes and tugged it behind her ear as she walked on.

She liked taking these walks during the night. Everyone was calmer and it put her mind at ease. After everything that had taken place, everyone ran around all day piled up with work and frantic about what was going to happen next. When the sun set, Soul Society rested. The stars helped to ease her worries. There was so much she needed to do, so much she wanted to do and so much she needed to make up for. She didn't know where to start. Yet without her Shinigami powers and her body so weak, there wasn't much she could do for the time being. The only thing that was in her power was to make up for some things since she had been gone so long. Also because the recent events had helped her to realize a lot of things in her that she had never discovered or simply kept to herself. That is why she wanted to find Renji. She needed to make up for lost time.

Still lost in her thoughts, her feet stopped at the top of a grassy hill. That is when she saw him, standing at the bottom of the hill. He was staring up at the moon. She watched in admiration as he stood there. His black Kimono was on the grass beside his feet. The pale moonlight complimented the sharp features of his face. His eyes were closed against the breezes and lost in his thoughts. His crimson hair was loose and flowing in the wind, across his solemn face. His fists were clenched, one held Zabimaru beside him, his only companion at the moment. His shirt was tucked down around his waist to reveal his firm chest, stained with sharp ink filled lines. Vague scars across his back and chest told the tales of pain he endured while trying to rescue her.

A look of sorrow spread across her face when she thought of everything he went through, everything he went through to either buy time for Ichigo or find some way to make sure she'd make it out alive. She remembered how tight his grip was on her while he carried her as far out of Soul Society as he could while Ichigo fought Ni-sama. She also remembered the look of terror in his face when through all the running he had ended up right back where he started in front of Aizen. He was powerless against him and he tried desperately to hold onto her. He didn't want to let her go and once again he endured more pain as he tried to be her shield, her protector. Even when he thought he was staring death in the face, he stood firm so that she could be alive here right now.

She walked down the hill towards him. He didn't seem to notice her approaching footsteps through the green blades of grass. She sat behind him, almost next to him and huddled her knees. She was careful not to let her bottom touch the damp soil. She looked up at Renji, still standing and lost in his own thoughts. "Renji?"

He didn't turn to her but he acknowledged that she was there, "Yeah"

"I went to look for you earlier but I didn't think you were standing out here…anything wrong?"

"No…"

She paused for a minute, unsatisfied with his responses to her, "What are you doing?"

"Howling at the stars" His tone was serious and she could tell without looking at his face that his expression was very solemn as well. She was baffled by what he said to her.

"What?"

He shook his head and whispered to himself; "Nothing…just something I had said to Ichigo a while back" She was still confused but decided to give up on the meaning of his philosophical responses. They stood in silence as he continued to stare up at the moonlight. He finally turned his head slightly towards Rukia but she could not see his face clearly. "Rukia?"

"Hmm?" She looked up toward him, trying to study him, trying to figure out why he had that tone with her. There was so much sorrow in it and maybe even fear.

"Why…did you decide to stay here in Soul Society?"

"Wha-what? What do you mean?" She was caught off guard. She was surprised by his sudden straightforward question. She wasn't really sure what he was asking of her.

His tone sounded a bit more impatient but still sincere, "I'm asking…why you stood here? Why didn't you go back with Ichigo?"

She stood up from the grass and she was beginning to feel angry for a reason she could not identify, "Ichigo? Why would I go back…with…Ichigo?" Her words trailed off at the end of what she was saying. The understanding of what he might've been asking her had finally hit her. She was speechless. She still wasn't sure if that was really what he meant and if it was, she wasn't sure how to answer. She already knew the answer but it was just an awkward subject to speak of. She rarely had these serious conversations with Renji. Renji was never really the type to dwell on serious things unless he really needed to let the person know what he was feeling. Also she had heard of these feelings that humans developed, these emotions that Shinigamis were discouraged from expressing. Even though they had these emotions, they were taught that only humans who were weak expressed these things. A Death God was supposed to be the symbol of strength and control. No tears and no doubts. Yet after the events in Soul Society it seemed that many of the Shinigamis were expressing these emotions that they had kept hidden for too long. Everyone was changing in his or her own ways because of Aizen's betrayal. Maybe that was why Renji was also revealing this part of him.

He broke into her stunned silence as he clenched his fists, "Rukia do you…I mean with Ichigo is there-"

"No!" She almost blurted out her answer as she cut him off from what he was saying. She calmed her tone down from the excitement, "We're just friends"

She continued to study Renji's movements. His fists were clenched and he seemed to have trouble releasing whatever was on his mind. She had realized that what she had detected in his tone earlier was fear, fear of saying to her whatever he was revealing now. His head bowed down, staring at the grass beneath his bare feet, the crimson locks hiding his expression. Rukia calmly and cautiously walked around Renji so that she could face him. Her trembling, nervous fingers brushed the hair away from his eyes. Her eyes widened at what she saw. He stared at the ground, his ink filled eyes full of fear and trembling. This was not something she had ever seen in him until recently when he thought she was going to die and Aizen took her from his grasp. He looked so helpless and it pained her as well as frightened her. What was he afraid of?

She looked up at his tall form above her as he spoke, her hands resting on his wrists by his sides. "Tomorrow, I'm going down to the living world. I know you can't come with me yet and it…" he paused in his struggle to open up to her but she encouraged him to go on, "I'm afraid…every time we part and I'm not right there watching you, something bad happens to you. Even if it's a situation where I lack the power to save you, I want to be there to at least buy the time so that you can escape and be safe…even if it means my death. The last time I let you go…we drifted apart and then…everything-"

She interrupted him again with her head bowing in shame as she whispered, "Gomenasai…Renji. I wish that things didn't end up the way that they did. Sometimes I even wish that I hadn't been taken in by the Kuchiki family name" He lifted his head slightly with his eyes widening. He kept his eyes focused on her now, staring at the raven hair on her head. She suddenly threw down his wrists from within her grasp and clenched her already trembling fists in anger. She yelled out to him, "But-but why did you let me go! Why didn't you stop me! When I wanted you to say something when I was adopted into the noble family, you said you were happy and even jealous! Why!"

He backed away from her, startled by her anger, "Rukia I- I didn't want to hold you down. I thought- I thought you'd be happier there"

"Didn't you see me? Didn't you see me cry as I walked away from you after you congratulated me for being adopted by them? Didn't you-"

He suddenly dropped to his knees and roughly pulled her petite body against his. He desperately buried his head on her shoulder, "I did! I did see it! I know…I should've stopped you. I just…didn't think you wanted to be stopped" His voice lowered as his sentence finished. Her body stood stiff, stunned by his arms wrapped around her as if she'd disappear if he'd let go. Slowly she let her arms cradle his head on her shoulder. She ran her fingers down his long hair as she leaned her chin on top of his head. They stood in silence until Renji lifted his head from her so that he could look into her large dark eyes. Since Rukia was half his size, on his knees he reached slightly below her eye level. His large hand cupped the whole side of her face as he spoke to her, "Rukia…remember when I said I was howling at the stars?"

She looked down at him in curiosity, "Yes?"

"When I had told Ichigo to save you I told him…that I always howl at the stars but I never had the guts to jump at them" She furrowed her brows in confusion as he went on, "But after everything that has happened within the past few weeks, right now…I'm gonna take the chance and jump" and before she could utter another word he crashed his lips onto hers. He tightened his grip on her as she clenched his shoulders in shock. Once again he had caught her off guard and she had never been kissed by anyone so she wasn't sure what to do. His Soul Slayer dropped on the floor as he raised his hand to the back of her hair. He continued to roughly brush his lips against her tiny ones until she accepted it. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he kissed her passionately. While catching his breath he'd back away slightly and trace her lips with the bottom lip of his open mouth. She felt the warmth of his breath cooling her damp lips and as she felt her knees weaken he'd crash his lips against hers again. She felt his tongue tracing over her lips until she opened her mouth and invited him in. His other hand tickled on her back as he lovingly cherished her taste upon him. She raised her small hands to hold his face against hers. She felt the prickling feeling of the goose bumps erupting along her skin as he held onto her. Eventually he slowed down leaving her with gentle lingering kisses as he backed away from her. With their foreheads touching, he looked into her eyes and whispered, "I swear, I'll never make that same mistake again. I'll never let you go again"

She leaned in and rewarded him with another lingering kiss. She traced his black eye brows with her thumbs and then went up to trace the black mazes along his forehead. He smiled, "I thought you said they looked stupid" With that comment she leaned in again and kissed one of his eyebrows. When she backed away she saw the redness growing in his cheeks and it spread to hers.

He got up from his knees with the serious expression returning to his face and without warning he bent to lift up the small girl in his arms. She gasped from being startled as she looked up at him, wondering why he was carrying her. He walked toward the kimono that lay on the grass and sat upon it, with her on his lap inside his strong arms. He brushed the hair from her tiny face with his fingers as he stood locked in her eyes. She seemed hypnotized and he leaned his face to hers and whispered, "I wanna stay in the stars a little longer" and he slowly pressed his lips to hers again. As her head rested on his arm, she let him possess her, let him hold her. Under the stars for the rest of the night he kissed her continuously, as if she'd disappear the minute he'd stop. That night they put aside their Shinigami pride. They remembered what had come before all that, what was most important to them before they had joined the academy and became Death Gods and that was each other.

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**This story was inspired by the AMV I saw with the song "Cold" by Crossfade and when Renji fought Ichigo in Soul Society and was defeated. He begged Ichigo to save Rukia and he said he was the one that let her go. He said "I'm always howling at the stars but I ain't got the guts to jump at them" Hope you liked the story. Please Review!**


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